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So, you want an Asian wife or girlfriend?
How can I help you achieve your dream?
I’m Xiongmao from the Happier Abroad forum, and article this is YOUR essential guide to Asian dating.
One day I woke up and realised I wanted to find an Asian wife. That was many years ago. I’m still single, but I’m getting closer to marriage.
In my own search for an Asian wife I’ve faced a huge learning curve. I’ve had to figure out how to find Asian women online, how to not get scammed on dating sites, how to not get fleeced by expensive dating sites, and more mundane stuff like how to apply for a visa in order to visit China.
So I’d like to share with you everything I know about finding an Asian wife or girlfriend.
Is it easy to find an Asian bride? No!
Is it worthwhile? Most definitely!
Table of Contents
- Asian Bride Reality Check
- What Are Asian Women Looking for in a Man?
- Why Do Asian Ladies Want Western Husbands?
- Grass Is Greener Syndrome
- Online Dating Is Rubbish
- About Those Costs Again…
- Choosing Your Ideal Lady on an Asian Dating Site
- Older Asian Women – Are They a Good Choice?
- Searching for Ladies on Asian Dating Sites
- Writing to an Asian Lady
- How Can You Communicate With Her?
- Romance Tours
- Travelling to Asia
- Meeting Her in Person
OK, so it’s time for a reality check here. Asian dating sites like Thai Cupid and China Love Cupid tend to make you get carried away with their marriage success stories, their beautiful ladies and endless articles about how wonderful Asian women are.
Asian ladies are indeed lovely. But I’ve also met and chat to some nightmare women. The reality is of course somewhere in the middle. But before you go flying halfway around the world in search of love, let’s have a little think…
Here are some of the qualities that Asian women are often looking for in a man. Bear in mind, however, that all women are different! Different Asian women will have different priorities.
- Money is important in Asia. In most Asian countries there is no social security, and no food banks. If you don’t work, you don’t eat. So if you have money, you’ll find it much easier to attract the best quality Asian ladies. Simple as that. Chinese ladies are especially money obsessed – it’s very much a cultural thing. As well as having money, you need to demonstrate that you can make money. Of course if you have money, then you’ll attract plenty of scammers and gold diggers. It’s up to you to spot the undesirable ladies. Asian ladies often have a reputation for frugality. But also bear in mind that there are plenty of shopaholics in Asia, and in this respect, Asian ladies aren’t too different from their Western counterparts (but they might be more prepared to haggle for that LV handbag).
- Education. Asian ladies like educated men. Often this comes down to the simple fact that an educated man is more likely to have money.
- Nationality. Whatever country you’ve from it’s possible to find an Asian lady who will be interested in you. But it goes without saying that you’re much more likely to attract attention from Asian women if you’re American. As an English guy, I’ve dated Asian ladies who thought I was OK, but as soon as an American guy came along, that was that. This is always going to be a problem if you’re a non-American – I’ve heard it happen time and time again. Bear in mind that most Asian ladies have never travelled to Europe or America, so their understanding of America and American men isn’t always right!
- Confidence. Ladies everywhere admire confidence in a man. This was my own particular downfall, and why a few of the ladies I’ve dated got away. If you lack confidence, then find ways to build up your confidence. Take up a sport. Go travelling to Asia on your own. Start a business. Join a social club. These are all ways of increasing your confidence. I’m not sure why I’ve put confidence at No. 4 in this list. Really it needs to be No .1.
- Ability to live in Asia. Most men seek Asian mail order brides that they can bring back to their own country. Although Asian ladies tend to follow their husbands around, they will obviously miss their home life back in Asia. Most Asian societies are family focussed. If you can afford to live in Asia, you’ll attract even more women.
- Ethnicity. It’s safe to say that white men are popular in Asia, even more so if they are American. But don’t worry if you’re from another ethnic group, there’s an Asian lady out there for you as well. There are plenty of African American men married to Japanese and Chinese ladies. Even if you’re an Asian guy yourself, you’ll have no problem finding an Asian bride from Asia. In fact, Chinese Love Links and other Asian dating sites are increasingly used by Asian men seeking Asian ladies – the site is moving well beyond the traditional mail order bride industry.
- Maturity. Many Asian ladies say that they prefer older men. If they prefer much older men then they’re usually seeking money more than anything else. But ladies are interested in maturity. They like to know that their future partner has a stable job, and won’t leave them if they get itchy feet and decide to find another partner. Obviously maturity comes with age, but I’ll tell you straight up that when I’ve talked to Chinese ladies about age difference, they all agree that young 20 something Chinese girls marrying men 20 or more years their senior are just doing it for the money.
- Height. As well as confidence, women everywhere like the idea of finding a tall partner. Whatever your own height you should be able to find a lady who is the right height for you. But bear in mind that the taller you are, the more women who will be interested in you. As a shorter guy I can tell you that this sucks, but you just have to learn to deal with it. The good news is that Asian women aren’t generally that tall, so it’s not hard to find a lady who is 2-3 inches shorter than you are. A 3-4 inch height difference seems to be most optimum.
- Looks. Women do of course take looks into account. Thankfully if you’re an average looking guy then you’ll often find it easier to date ladies who would be considered out of your league in Western countries. But take pride in your appearance and you’ll find that it’s much easier to land that perfect 10!
- Cultural awareness. Asian ladies take pride in their own culture and customs, so they really want to find somebody who appreciates their culture as well. Ways of attracting an Asian lady include mentioning that you’ve taken a vacation in Asia, and that you like cooking or eating Asian food. If you’ve got some photos of yourself in Asia or in an Asian setting then post them on your Asian dating site profile. Time to visit your local China Town perhaps?
So a consideration of all of these points should help you gain a better understanding of how to attract Asian women. Remember that Asian ladies have to put up with a lot of jerks and weirdoes on dating sites. So one final way to attract Asian women is to be truthful! Don’t overstate your income. Don’t tell a lady you’ve been to Thailand when you’ve never left your own country. Always tell the truth and you’ll stand head and shoulders above the other men on dating sites.
It’s obviously something that anyone considering looking for an Asian mail order bride has to consider. Will your new wife be sincere? Does she just want a green card? Will she be more interested in the size of your wallet than anything else? Will she really love you?
What bothers me is why so many Asian women want to marry Western men. When I started looking for a Chinese wife there were around 8,000 ladies on Chnlove. Now there are over 10,000. It’s widely reported that there is no shortage of men in China. In fact quite the contrary – men outnumber women. In fact there is such an acute shortage of women in China that increasing numbers of Chinese men are seeking their own mail order brides from countries such as Vietnam, Laos and even North Korea!
From talking to Chinese ladies I’ve met, the No.1 reason for a Western husband is that they’ve heard that they’re good husbands. Simple as that! Wow, I’ve heard some glowing reports about Western men married to Chinese ladies. It’s much the same in Thailand. One lady bags herself a Western husband, and pretty soon all the single women in her village have signed up to Thai Love Lines.
So get this straight – as a Western dude you’re a valuable commodity in Asia!
However, these are plenty of other good reasons why certain Asian women can’t find or don’t want Asian husbands, so they choose to marry Western men:
- They are alpha females and find it hard to find husbands. Men generally want to marry women who are less intelligent or have less high profile careers than themselves. The problem is that women are starting to out-perform men in many areas of work. So these highly educated Asian women can struggle to find partners who are their equal.
- They are over the age of 25 (Christmas cake ladies as the Japanese call them). Asian men tend to prefer younger wives. Asian women over the age of 30 find it much harder to find husbands.
- Divorced ladies can find it harder to remarry Asian men, especially if they have children from another marriage. Some of these ladies have tragic stories, especially if their husband got rich and left them for a younger lady.
- Ladies who are committed Christians can find it hard to find an Asian husband who shares their beliefs (this mainly applies to Chinese, Thai and Japanese women – obviously most Filipinos are Christians).
- Ladies who don’t look beautiful as far as the local men are concerned (but they’ll be pretty hot as far as the average Western guy is concerned). Generally speaking, Asian men like tall, pale skinned thin ladies. Certain facial features are also highly desirable, but this isn’t something Western men are generally bothered about.
I recommend that you search for these types of ladies on Asian dating sites.
Here are some dangerous types of women to avoid if you possibly can. There are plenty of these ladies on dating sites:
- Ladies looking for Mr 100%. Oh, this isn’t an issue you just find in Asia – many of my sister’s friends are also looking for the mythical Mr 100%. These ladies are easy to spot. Their profiles have been on the dating site for a long time. They tick all the boxes to say what height, age, nationality career, etc. etc. their man should be. Oh, and this is a big giveaway; quite often they state in their profile that they’re looking for Mr Right!!! Roosh covered this very well in his Man Up podcast. Check it out – he talks about how many (mostly) Western women these days talk about what they’re looking for in a relationship. They don’t tell you what they can bring to the relationship.
- Narcissistic women or women with various personality disorders. There are a lot of these toxic ladies around. Date them at your peril!
- Green card seekers. Again, there are many of these on Asian dating sites. Sometimes they might already have family in your country, and who knows they might even have a future spouse lined up (who isn’t you!).
- Ladies who are desperate for a baby, and who will marry the first man who comes along (they tend to be more numerous in the 30-36 age group).
- Ladies who are marrying because their parents want them to get married.
- Ladies who haven’t dated men before. Often they’re virgins. Look, there’s nothing really wrong with these ladies. But in my personal experience I’ve found it hard work to date these ladies. Often their body language is misleading, and they rarely make the first move. You might appreciate the challenge, but personally I now prefer the divorced ladies or those who have had a boyfriend or two before.
- Ladies who haven’t got over a previous relationship. If a lady talks about her ex- a lot, then ditch her. And be wary of women with a long string of failed relationships. Statistics have shown that the more partners a woman has had, the less likely she will to be a good marriage partner.
- Finally, some women on Asian dating sites are actually lesbians who have no interest in men. However, they may want to marry a man in order to avoid losing face with their family, or so that they can have a baby. Incidentally, plenty of gay Asian men marry and even have children, but it doesn’t alter the fact that they’re still gay.
If this all sounds totally unbelievable, then just remember this. You’re going to date somebody who is from a completely different culture. She might not even speak your language. You might even struggle to ask her what the weather is like in her country. So how on earth are you going to figure out that she has a personality disorder that means that 99.9% of men in Asia won’t touch her with a barge pole.
It’s a good reminder that looking for a wife in Asia is not without risks. Don’t get sucked into the hopes and dreams that Asian dating sites like to portray. Many sites show you glowing testimonials which are all well and good, but no site publishes its divorce rate!
Please do not look for an Asian wife because you think it is the cheap option for finding a wife. It’s not! Four trips to Asia and I’ve still not put a ring on a lady’s finger. Some men marry the first lady they visit. Their marriages don’t always last. I’m being more careful, but being careful costs money.
Finding an Asian wife will cost you a lot more money than you ever thought it would. And be aware that Asian people (especially those of Chinese origin) are often obsessed with money. If you have money then you can date and marry some stunningly beautiful, and in some cases much younger women. But if your money runs out, then don’t be at all surprised if your lady moves on as well.
So as well as making sure you have enough money to find an Asian wife, make sure you can continue to earn enough to keep her in the lifestyle that she’s expecting.
Marry a younger girl and she’ll usually want to have babies as well. And babies aren’t cheap, wherever you raise them.
Being fed up with Western women is generally not a good reason for dating an Asian woman. Women are generally fairly similar in their wants and needs regardless of where they live. Narcissistic women, shopaholics and money obsessed women are just as common in Asia as they are in the USA or Western Europe. But it will cost you a lot more money and emotional turmoil to find a lady in Asia than it will in will in your own country.
If you want to find an Asian woman then you’ll have to run the gauntlet of a whole myriad of scams and scammers. How to avoid them? Well you’re going to have to learn, and learn quickly. Most importantly, you’re going to have to leave your money in your wallet. Send your girl chocolates or stuffed animals. But never send her money.
Thankfully most scammers are fairly easy to spot, especially those after money. But I continue to hear stories of men (and women) losing hundreds, thousands, and even tens of thousands of dollars in what are at the end of the day pretty basic scams. Love clouds our judgement, so don’t underestimate how easy it is to lose your money to a scammer.
- Read more about how to spot scammers on Asian dating sites.
- Are you talking to a scammer? Take this test to find out.
Finally, bear in mind that people all over the world are getting burned with online dating. Bad experiences with dating sites aren’t confined to the Asian dating niche. Many tens of thousands of people have had bad experiences on mainstream online dating sites such as Match.com and eHarmony. These sites are also full of scammers and undesirables, so don’t think that Asian dating is anything better.
It also takes ages to find dates on any dating site. When I revisited Bangkok for 16 nights during the Summer of 2018 I managed to get just 1 date (from Thai Cupid). Both TanTan and Thai Friendly failed to get me anything whatsoever.
When I lived in China and Thailand I did somewhat better. But it was still pretty much a full time job to work the dating sites and actually find somebody who wanted to meet me in real life.
Don’t underestimate how stressful searching for an Asian bride can be. Long distance relationships are very difficult.
Before you even consider searching for an Asian wife, make sure you’re in a good state of mind. Some things I learnt after my disastrous first relationship with an Asian woman are:
- If you’re a man, then the hole in your heart is woman shaped. Any woman can fill this hole. If your beloved Asian lady leaves you, find another.
- Don’t talk about your relationships with your friends or family. Keep things to yourself, and eagerly await the day when your family can finally meet your fabulous new Asian wife or fiancé.
- Don’t halt the other aspects of your life. When you’re in Asia, devote 100% of your time to the lady or ladies you’re meeting. But when you’re back home, carry on with your job, and living your day to day life.
- If a relationship goes wrong, take a 2-3 month break before you search for another lady.
- Don’t be too serious about the whole thing. Enjoy your visits to Asia. Have fun learning about your future wife’s country. Have fun, and if you find love on the way, then treat it as a bonus.
And so we’re back to costs again. I keep meticulous track of my monthly expenditure, and have data that goes all the way back to 2000.
One thing has really dented my finances – women!
We all like to pursue our dreams. But all dreams usually have a financial cost. So before you fly halfway around in search of love, it’s essential to know how much it’s going to cost you!
The first task is to actually look for an Asian lady to visit. There are lots of dating sites that allow you to chat to Asian ladies online. Many Asian women now have internet access at home or at work, or they can visit one of the numerous internet cafes that are found in most Asian towns and cities.
There are a lot of free Asian dating sites. One of the most popular is DateInAsia. Thai Friendly is also “free”, but it’s too much of a sausagefest if you don’t pay to upgrade your account.
While free dating sites are theoretically a good idea, they might be a false economy. Firstly they can have hundreds of thousands of members, so searching for your dream Asian bride might take you huge amounts of time, and for many people time is money. Free sites usually have pretty basic search tools, so be prepared to view an awful lot of profiles. Another problem with free sites is that they’re very popular with dating site scammers, and weeding them out takes even more time. Free sites are also popular with dishonest people and timewasters, such as women who are already married.
So if you’re retired or you have plenty of time on your hands then by all means try a free dating site. If however you’re working and have more money than free time then head for one of the subscription sites. Cherry Blossoms is worth a look, as are the many Cupid Media sites (Chinese Cupid, Thai Cupid, Filipino Cupid, Asian Dating etc.). Annoyingly most dating sites make it difficult to find out how much they cost, because they want to sign you up straight away. In general though, you shouldn’t have to spend more than $30 a month or $200 a year for membership of a dating site. Most give significant discounts if you sign up for 6 months or the full year. Chinese Cupid cost me around $165 for annual membership, China Love Match was quite a lot less. Finding an Asian wife will take longer than you think, so it’s a good idea to take out an annual subscription.
If you want to keep a lid on costs, then one type of site to be wary of is the letter writing site. These are free to join, but you have to pay each time you send or receive an email from one of the Asian ladies on the site. While they make it possible to communicate with Asian ladies who don’t speak English, they are expensive. What’s more alarming is that they’re wide open to fraud and it’s all too easy to find you’re spending money writing to a lady who doesn’t exist or who may not even be getting the letters you’re sending. Speaking from experience, I spent $400 on one site in just a few weeks, and that is quite a low amount compared to what some men spend on sites like these.
Once you’ve found a lady you’re interested in, then you’ll need to budget for the trip to Asia in order to meet her. Make sure you budget for the airfare and hotel. China, Thailand and the Philippines are pretty cheap places to visit, but remember that in order to impress the hottest ladies, you’ll want to wine and dine in style.
Before you visit Asia, make sure you have some idea of what the typical cost is for things you might want to buy. That way you’re less likely to get ripped off. This doesn’t just happen in Asia – I got ripped off left right and center in Italy and France!
Make sure you have a plan for getting from the airport to your hotel – this is the most likely way the locals will try to rip you off. Research if there is an airport train or bus service, as these are usually much cheaper than taxis. In many countries such as China there are official taxi stands – use these as the staff will make sure you don’t get in an unlicensed taxi.
Jetlag of more than 5 hours time difference can be hard to take, so go for as long as you can, so that you can let your head re-adjust. Always have a backup plan if you go to meet a lady. She might pull out of the meeting at the last moment, so bear this in mind. It’s certainly possible to meet more than one lady on a trip. If you’re visiting a lady represented by a marriage agency then tell them you’re visiting and ask them if they have other ladies that might be interested in meeting you.
Preparation is the key to a successful trip. You need to be pretty sure your lady isn’t a scammer and that the trip won’t be a total waste of time and money. This is where it pays to use a reputable dating site, and where a free dating site can be a false economy.
If you are a man of modest means then I can highly recommend using an all-inclusive marriage agency. These used to be quite popular. The two best known were Thai Professional and Anglo Thai Introductions. I’m not sure if either company is still around – the internet came along with various dating sites and kind of killed off the old school introduction agency. There are also similar companies in the Philippines. Be wary of paying for introductions in the Philippines, as technically these agencies may be operating illegally.
Most introduction agencies operate on a fixed fee service. Expect to pay around $3000 for the service. The service usually includes finding you a suitable bride, help with the marriage arrangements and help with visa paperwork. Before signing up to an introduction agency, make sure you have a good idea of all the costs involved, plus any extras you might need to budget for.
While this kind of business may sound impersonal, bear in mind that many of the Asian ladies using this service are very busy. They have no time to waste talking to men on dating sites. They’re also quite often divorced, and they’re not really interested in lavish wedding ceremonies the second time around.
Before getting engaged it’s best to talk to your Asian lady about what type of wedding she’s expecting. Asian weddings in countries like Thailand and China tend to be quite modest affairs. In China you’ll usually have to budget for a lavish meal for your new Chinese family, some studio photos of you with your bride, and maybe some nice wedding outfits for your lady. Often guests bring money, so you often get back the cost of the meal!
Sometimes your bride’s family will be expecting some sort of financial settlement in order for you to marry her – the so-called bride price. Make sure you negotiate this before you walk up the aisle! As with most things in Asia, the price is often negotiable. A bride who hasn’t previously been married will tend to be worth a lot more in the eyes of her family. Some families will ask for very large sums of money – if this happens and you don’t get anywhere in the negotiations then the recommended course of action is to walk away.
Remember that Asian ladies are often expected to provide for her parents and other family members after marriage. If you’re going to have to help out your new family then make sure you discuss what sort of money is involved before you marry her. Don’t spend all your life savings finding your Asian bride – keep something in reserve for after marriage!
Don’t forget the living costs during engagement and after marriage. While increasing numbers of men are choosing to retire to Asia with their new brides, many will want them to come and live with them in their own country.
Most immigration authorities will only allow your new Asian bride to join you in your country if you can show that you can support her. Usually this means you need to own or rent your own property and have a reasonable source of income. Bear in mind she may not be eligible for healthcare or other government provided benefits. Ladies brought over on fiancé visas may not always be legally able work.
Remember that ladies are ladies, and that ladies like to buy new clothes and shoes and have days out, and that kind of stuff. Make sure you have enough money to be able to treat her like a princess. Chinese ladies in particular have a habit of disappearing if your money runs out – you have been warned!
If you want your new Asian wife to work then make sure she’s aware of that. If your new bride is from Thailand or China and her English is not good then she might have very limited opportunities to find good jobs in your own country. Bear in mind that Asian ladies often have a fairly good standard of living in Asia. The service sector has expanded enormously over the recent years, and there are plenty of good jobs for women, from teaching to office work and in the healthcare industry. If your Asian lady has a good job in Asia, then she might be very disappointed if she can only get a basic minimum wage cleaning job in your own country.
If you’re looking for an Asian wife then you had better have a plan! Take the popular Thai dating site, Thai Cupid. This dating site has over 100,000 ladies’ profiles listed on the site. So some of the women have been on the site for a while, but the majority of them will still be looking for a husband. That’s a lot of ladies! Asian countries like China and Thailand have big populations and unless you’ve been there yourself you can’t quite describe just how packed the place is. Even if only a small percentage of Asian women want Western husbands, that’s still a lot of ladies.
Now a few people (especially Western women) think there’s something strange about shopping for a wife. But we all draw up a list of desirable attributes when we’re looking for a partner. So if you’re looking for an Asian wife, here are a few criteria that you might want to think about…
Obviously the first thing you need to think about is whether you have a particular preference for Asian ladies from a specific Asian country. Chinese, Thai, Filipina and Japanese ladies are quite different. Most men have a clear preference for Asian ladies from a particular country.
Most Western men marry Asian ladies from one of these four countries. There are of course Asian ladies in other countries such as Hong Kong, Singapore, South Korea, Indonesia, Vietnam, Cambodia, Laos and others. Much less is known about these countries from a wife finding perspective (particularly the developing countries amongst them), so if you run into problems you might find it harder to get help from an online forum or elsewhere.
- Not sure which country’s right for you? Check out this free interactive Asian wife finder.
Once you’ve decided on which country you’d like to find an Asian lady from, then it’s also worth bearing in mind that some Asian countries are very large and travelling to different regions is difficult and time consuming.
When you’re looking at lady’s profiles, it’s a good idea to take her location into account. Some parts of the Philippines and Thailand are risky for Westerners to visit. While many Thai and Filipina ladies that marry Westerners come from these areas, it’s worth making sure that a lady can freely travel to a more accessible part of that country (i.e. Bangkok or Pattaya in Thailand, and Manila and Cebu in the Philippines).
China is vast and has its own particular problems. While many of the less well known cities are a 2-3 hour internal flight away from Beijing, some of the more remote areas are difficult to visit. Some parts of China (including parts of Sichuan and Xinjiang Provinces) are often off limits to Westerners for political reasons. Parts of China close to military sites are also sensitive. Always check your government’s travel advisory service before you get too involved with a lady in a part of China that’s difficult to visit. Remember that if you end up marrying her then she will most likely want to travel home to see her family at least once a year, and you don’t want the trip to be a three day marathon.
I did really well dating in Guangdong Province but it was a dating wasteland in Zhejiang. I wish I’d made this map of Chinese dating by Province before I committed to taking a job in Zhejiang!
The downside is that women from the larger cities that are easier for Westerners to visit can be more clued up on how to scam men or play them for money. In particular, treat Chinese women from Shenzhen, Nanning and Shanghai with particular caution. Filipina and Thai dating sites are awash with scammers, there’s no escaping them really.
My top tips for China are Guangzhou (an interesting Westerner friendly city that also has an international airport), Xiamen (a wealthy upmarket coastal city with a good climate) and Changsha (cheap to visit and awash with beautiful women; and now on the high speed train network).
For the Philippines Cebu looks the best bet.
As far as Thailand goes, there are of course more ladies in Bangkok than anywhere else. But check out this map I made of Thai ladies by Thailand province as it shows a few locations that might have a lot of ladies and a low cost of living. Oh, and maybe stay away from Pattaya or Phuket – you’re unlikely to find any truly decent ladies there!
Sign up to any Asian dating site and you’ll usually get bombarded with admirers who are still in their 20’s. While the attention is flattering, dating a young Asian girl is going to be hard work.
It’s a good idea to work out some sort of rough age range you want to look at. As a general rule, halve your age and add seven years. That number is the age of the youngest girl you should date. So if you’re 62 then look for women who are 38 and over. In my experience this calculation is spot on as far as Chinese ladies go. However, if you’re dating Thai or especially Filipinas then you could let it slide by five years or so!
- Not sure if she’s the right age for you? Check out this free age difference suitability calculator.
It’s also worth considering whether you want to find an Asian woman who has been previously married, or one who hasn’t married. All dating sites (not just Asian dating sites) have a lot of separated and divorced people in the personal ads. Asian ladies who have got married and then divorced tend to find it much more difficult to remarry someone in their own country. Divorced ladies with children find it especially difficult to find a new partner. I don’t know of a single Asian lady who remarried another Asian man after a divorce.
Everyone has baggage. Bear in mind that women sometimes have children. You need to make a decision as to whether you want to consider dating a woman that already has children. While dating an Asian woman with children is OK, just remember not to get too involved with her until you have some kind of plan for her children’s futures. Remember that her ex-husband may or may not want to get involved with the discussions. It’s useful to assess how co-operative he would be in any negotiations – if it’s going to be complicated then the recommended course of action is to choose another lady.
One particular hazard that’s especially common with Filipina women is that they sometimes hide the fact that they have a child. Asian children are often brought up by their grandparents, so Asian ladies can find it easy to hide the fact that they have children.
When chatting to a girl, impress upon her that Westerners admire honesty, and that they’re far more open to the idea of marrying a divorcee. Here Asian and Western cultures vary greatly. My Chinese ex-girlfriend won’t ever consider dating a divorced man, yet I’m quite open to the possibility of dating divorced ladies. In fact due to their experience with man, they often make far better wives for Westerners than do the previously unmarried ladies.
Lady or Ladyboy?
Ladyboy dating is getting really popular these days. MyLadyboyDate now has around 15,000 transgender members, mostly from South East Asia.
Whether you love or detest the whole idea of them, there’s only one golden rule for ladyboy dating:
If you’re interested in ladyboys, don’t tell them you’re also dating ladies. And if you’re chatting to ladies online, then keep your interest in ladyboys absolutely secret! This is the golden rule – read more about this here.
As far as ladyboy dating goes, it’s not too different from dating ladies. Just bear in mind that ladyboys are only really to be found in Thailand or the Phillipines, so make a decision about which country you want to visit.
It’s been my experience that ladyboys are on the whole smarter than women, so tread carefully and don’t cause them offence or to lose face. That can be catastrophic. I once met a guy with a beautiful ladyboy girlfriend. She was so stunning. But they had a row and she split his forehead open by throwing pool balls at him!
Sign up to any Asian dating site and you’ll encounter plenty of young girls. While they are beautiful and flatter your ego when they say they want a man in the 18-80 age range, the reality is not quite as hopeful as you might think.
It’s often much more sensible to look for an older Asian woman. Older women are more mature and know what they want out of life. Younger Asian girls are often naïve and inexperienced sexually. While some men prefer this, it can be very time consuming to have a relationship with them.
Which Mature Asian Women Are Best?
Men seeking Asian brides tend to head for China, Thailand or the Philippines.
The ladies are vastly different in each of these countries. Most men usually have a pretty good idea of which country they want their Asian lady to be from.
As far as mature Asian women go, Chinese ladies tend to age very gracefully. I have seen with my own eyes ladies in their 50’s that looked ten or more years younger. If you value beauty then China is a good choice. On the downside Chinese ladies are pretty complicated, and they can be very demanding (especially on money issues). If you want a laid back lifestyle (and which older man doesn’t?) then this might not be the best choice.
Dating Sites Favoured By Older Asian Women
There are plenty of Asian dating sites available. One problem is that older Asian women tend not to speak or write much English. Consequently they can’t always add themselves to online dating services the way that the younger Asian girls do.
Another bigger potential problem is that not all older Asian people know how to use a computer. It takes time to learn how to input Thai or Chinese characters on a keyboard, and not all ladies know how to do this.
Mature Asian ladies with good computer skills tend to prefer the Cupid Media sites. These sites are available in a range of Asian languages and they also advertise widely for members in Asia. For Chinese ladies this means Chinese Love Links. For Thai and Filipina ladies try AsianDating.com.
When you’re using these sites, stick to the more mature women and don’t get distracted by the younger girls. Many of the younger girls are looking for sugar daddies or they’re out and out money scammers or sex cam touts. I really like the Cupid Media sites because you can filter the emails you get so that emails from girls outside your specified age range go straight into a trash folder. Trust me, you have to be ruthless and stick to your goals on these sites.
Since so many older Asian ladies can’t put their personal ad on dating sites, they often look for alternatives. In China and Thailand there are plenty of marriage agencies that will register the lady and add her profile to sites such as Chnlove or LoveMe. These sites translate the man’s letters into the lady’s native language, and send the man the response back. These sites can be a good place to find less technologically literate ladies, but can have high costs if you’re sending a lot of speculative letters.
In Thailand there are also a number of marriage agencies that will act as an introductions agency. This can be a good way to meet ladies who are a little nervous about meeting men online, and would rather have a meeting in a safe environment of an introduction agency office.
One of the problems (and it is a nice problem) with Asian dating sites is that many of them have just so many profiles on them. Again, take Thai Cupid for example – the site now has more than 50,000 ladies listed on the site. More ladies sign up every single day.
So how do you search for your special lady amongst so many personals? Here are some tips on searching dating sites for your dream partner…
- The first tip is to stay away from free dating sites. Free websites usually have fairly basic search facilities. Furthermore, free dating sites have a lot of duplicate profiles (because it costs nothing to sign up multiple times). Free dating sites also attract the kinds of people who are not really serious about finding a partner.
- When people search dating sites, their searches often result in pages and pages of search results. Different sites present search results in different orders. Many use the sneaky trick of showing the most popular (and most attractive?) people first. If you do a bit of hunting then you can often find really lovely ladies way down in the search results. These ladies often get a lot fewer admirers than the ladies listed on the first couple of pages, so if you contact them they’ll be really glad you took the time to find them.
- Another way of sorting through so many profiles is to do different types of searches. Usually it’s best to search on important factors like age or marital status. But why not throw in a few other criteria, like the lady’s location, or even height and weight. That way you’ll get different batches of ladies in the search results and you might find women you’ve previously overlooked.
- If the site you’re using allows you to draw up a shortlist then use it. It’s a good idea to add ladies you’re interested to the shortlist. Then you can find them and reconsider them later.
- Whatever site you’re using, it’s best to avoid girls who are younger than 25. Why? Well if you’re an older guy then these girls are most likely gold diggers or scammers. Even if they’re genuine, then they’re usually too young to know what they want out of life. 28 is a good age!
- If you’re younger than 30 you should think twice about dating an Asian girl you’ve met on an Asian dating site. If you’re a young Western guy who wants an Asian girlfriend then it’s going to be much cheaper and easier to just date one of the numerous Chinese or other Asian students that study abroad in Western countries. To give one example, my local University has over 800 Chinese students. OK so they’re not all female, but the Chinese girls in this group are overwhelmingly in the 18-25 age group. Furthermore, they all speak and write reasonable English, and they are much more familiar with Western culture. Failing that, another great option is to go to China, Japan or South Korea and teach English for a year or two. This would be a fantastic opportunity to find an Asian wife, and given that you’re already on their home territory, you’ll have your pick of the girls on Asian dating sites.
When looking for an Asian wife online, the most common way to find her is to use a dating site. Once you’ve found somebody you’re interested in then it’s time to start communicating with her.
The usual way for this is by an email correspondence. On sites such as Filipino Cupid, where the ladies usually write fairly good English, it’s easy to send and receive the letters between you.
However, if you’re interested in a Thai, Chinese or Vietnamese lady who doesn’t write much English then it’s sometimes possible to use a translation service. Sites such as Chnlove and LoveMe have a translation service that translates all letters between you and your lady. This is useful if you don’t know Chinese, but it can be an expensive process. See below for how to save money on this type of site…
The 10 Letter Deadline Can Save You Money
When writing to an Asian lady you need to be objective about things. Set yourself a 10 letter deadline. If you don’t know if she’s the lady for you after these letters then it may be better to move onto another lady.
The 10 letter deadline is much more important when you’re using sites that charge you for every letter you send or receive from your lady. In the 10 letter deadline, you need to find out:
- Does she want to live in your country after marriage (if that’s what you want)?
- Does she have children?
- Get her to send you natural photos of herself if all she has on her profile are airbrushed studio portraits.
- Try to set up a webcam session so you can prove to yourself that she’s real, as well as hear her voice.
- See if you can communicate with her outside of the letter writing process. See if she has an instant messenger account (QQ in China), or if she’s on Facebook (Filipinas love Facebook!). Younger ladies in particular will be much more likely to be knowledgeable about technology. You can then keep the translator emails for important stuff (e.g. planning a trip to meet her) and use other means of sending her fluffy romantic stuff.
By the way, while we all appreciate a romantic letter full of fluff, if you keep getting these kinds of letters from your lady then it could indicate:
- She’s a scammer and doesn’t really exist.
- Her marriage agency is trying to sting you for extra translation fees by stringing you along with letters that don’t say much. When you’re getting paid on a per letter basis, why say something in one letter when you could say it in five?
- Also be aware that fluffy, romantic letters are often reused for correspondence between many potential couples. If you don’t see much that is specifically about your lady, you’re probably being played for a fool.
When writing letters to your lady, Keep It Simple Stupid!
Asian ladies often find it hard to read English, so keep things as simple as you can. Use short sentences. Avoid the word “but” as much as possible. Non-native speakers find sentences with “but” in quite difficult to understand.
If you’re relying on a translation service then keep it simple as well. Translators in China or Thailand generally work long hours, and for very little money. They are under pressure to hit writing targets. They aren’t usually the best translators in the country. Do you really think someone with a 945 English test score would work for a tiny marriage agency? Of course they wouldn’t. Asian people with top notch language skills will generally be seeking to work for Western companies with offices in Asia.
Dig for Information
When you’re writing to your Asian lady it’s nice to write the romantic stuff. But at the same time you need to be objective. Falling in love with someone you haven’t met is dangerous. Firstly it makes you extremely vulnerable to being scammed, and secondly it’s best not to build up the lady’s hopes too much at this early stage of the relationship.
When you’re writing a letter, it’s good to do some subtle digging. Each letter should aim to extract a bit more information about herself and her circumstances.
Here’s what you should aim to find out in the first 5 letters you send to an Asian lady:
- Does she want to live in your country after marriage? Yes it’s early to start making these sorts of plans, but if she doesn’t want to leave her country and you can’t live in hers then the relationship is a non-starter.
- What is her English ability like? Can she speak or write much English (or another Western language). Having a relationship with an Asian lady who speaks little to no English is possible, but it’s hard work at times.
- Does she have children? If so how would your relationship fit round them? Be aware that Filipinas in particular often lie about having children.
- Do her parents approve of her plans to find a Westerrn husband? In particular, Chinese ladies have parents that are often disapproving of their relationship with a Westerner, particularly if the girl is single and not previously married (but parents of older ladies can be just as difficult!) Usually when you meet the parents then they can be won over, but if you’d rather not get involved with complicated family politics then choose another lady.
- Something to bring up later in the correspondence is what sort of financial support her parents and other family members would require if you were to marry your Asian lady. Don’t wait until after engagement or marriage to discuss this – it could be a show stopper!
So when you’re writing to an Asian lady, remember to:
- Keep it simple.
- Seek facts, not fluff.
- Save the real romantic stuff for later in the relationship.
Here’s some information exclusively relating to Chinese girls. If you want a Chinese wife then you must get either QQ or WeChat!
QQ and WeChat are online chat applications that are immensely popular in China. QQ used to be the leading instant messaging service in China, but now WeChat is dominant. It works in much the same way as LINE or Whatsapp. If you’re interested in dating a Chinese lady then it’s almost a certainty that she will have a WeChat account. In fact WeChat is now so common in China that I now refuse to speak to any Chinese lady who doesn’t have an account. Not having an account is a big red flag as far as I am concerned – they could be an African dating site scammer or something (WeChat has also taken off in Africa, so beware).
As well as a basic chat and webcam facility, WeChat offers all sorts of extras these days. The most useful thing if you’re looking for a Chinese wife is that the chat tool has a basic English <=> Chinese translation facility built in. It’s not perfect, but you can usually get the gist of what she’s trying to tell you.
WeChat is awesome for chatting to Chinese girls you’ve met on dating sites like China Love Cupid and China Love Match. If a girl knows you’ve got a WeChat account, then you’ll really impress her. All Chinese people think that only Chinese people know about WeChat, and most girls I’ve talked to are amazed that WeChat even works in other countries!
I basically use the chat tool to confirm that a girl does actually exist and her dating profile isn’t fake. Chatting to girls is a good way to get to know them and decide if you want to visit them in person. You can tell a lot about a girl on WeChat, from her personality to her level of English.
Another bonus of QQ is that you can visit her QZone. QZone is a sort of online facility that acts as a blog and photo album. Some girls are enthusiastic bloggers, even if they only seem to blog about beauty tips, cooking and stuff they’ve read about in the news. The QZone photo albums are much more interesting – assuming the girl hasn’t password protected her albums then you can get a good insight into her life. Here it’s so easy to spot the narcissistic ladies. I’d estimate that 20% of Chinese girls fall into this category. How to spot them? Well their dozens of photo albums will mostly contain photos of themselves! Look really carefully and you can see that many Chinese ladies even airbrush their own snapshots – image is everything in China.
You can also check out her WeChat moments – stuff she posts online.
Some Western men have also ventured into QQ Groups and QQ Personals. This can be a great way of finding Chinese girls looking for Western boyfriends and husbands. On the downside, be aware that there are a fair number of scammers using QQ. Be careful giving away personal information and never send money to anyone! Even Chinese people are targets for the scammers. In this respect QQ is very much like MSN or AOL Messengers, which were also plagued by scammers and other undesirables using it to contact their next victims.
Also bear in mind that sometimes random people will contact you on WeChat. It’s best to be extremely wary of these people – I tend to always block them.
WeChat Video Chat
WeChat has a webcam facility. It’s pretty good and works much the same way as the Skype. It can work more efficiently if you’re chatting to someone in China, as WeChat isn’t of course blocked there.
If you’re serious about a Chinese girl you’ve met on a Chinese dating site then it’s often a good idea to get to see her on webcam.
By the way, be wary of getting up to any sexy activities on webcams! Unless you know the girl well, you run the risk of causing offense and embarrassment. WeChat is also monitored by the Chinese government, so don’t talk about shit that could potentially get her and her family in trouble.
So if you’re interested in finding a Chinese wife or girlfriend, then you must install WeChat!
If you’re more interested in ladies from Thailand and Vietnam, then it’s worth installing LINE. This is a neat little instant messaging tool. Many Thai ladies have LINE, although more are now going over to Whatsapp. They might also have WeChat too.
English speaking ladies are fairly rare in Asia. Furthermore, a good number of these English speakers are what you might call alpha females. They are usually well educated, intelligent, and have reasonable jobs. Many of them have even travelled overseas on business. This means that shy, submissive mail order brides they are not! These ladies are ambitious and they will expect their husband to be the same. These ladies can make fabulous wives. But if you want a girl to cook and clean and stay at home all day, they’re probably not going to be a good choice of Asian bride.
Now there are also many Asian ladies on dating sites who can write and speak fairly basic English. In most cases they have a level of English which would get them a high school grade. Did you study French or Spanish in school? These ladies’ English skills are probably like your French or Spanish is. So these ladies are far from bilingual. They tend to form the majority of the ladies on Asian dating sites. They can make fabulous wives. But communicating with them is very hard indeed.
Sometimes you can have basic conversations with them in English on Skype. You can also have very basic conversations with them on MSN Messenger or QQ. But if you start to talk about complicated things, like your feelings towards each other or travel plans, then it can all go horribly wrong. To take one particular example, Chinese and English are completely different when it comes to tenses. It is incredibly difficult to get Google’s English to Chinese translation tool to translate tenses properly. So you can imagine how difficult it is to make travel plans, or even tell your girl what you are going to do next week (she might infer from the poor translation that you have already done it!).
So what is the answer?
At this stage I don’t think there is one really.
LoveMe and Chnlove are expensive, but the automatic translation facilities are great. The problem with these sites is that you will have to spend hundreds or even thousands of dollars in letter fees to find your ideal Asian girl.
Contrast this with my experience of Chinese Cupid. I have been taking advantage of that flat rate Platinum membership fee. I’ve chatted to around 50 ladies. I’ve blacklisted the obvious scammers. I’ve ceased communication with the narcissists. I’ve dropped the ladies who were just not that into me. I’ve chatted, emailed and looked at hundreds of photos. I’ve visited six of them in China. Every girl I met in person was lovely in her own way.
I’d say that if you’re serious about finding an Asian wife, then consider the following:
- Philippines ladies usually speak very good English.
- Thai or Japanese ladies don’t usually speak any English.
- Chinese ladies fall somewhere in between. Chinese ladies younger than 35 have usually learnt some English in school, but they might have forgotten it all, or perhaps their teacher wasn’t that good!
Here are some additional tips for dating Chinese ladies who don’t speak great English:
- Find a Mandarin Chinese course in your local area. Of course, first check that your lady does actually speak Mandarin! Younger ladies should understand Mandarin, but some older ladies might only understand Cantonese, Shanghainese or one of the many other dialects.
- Learn basic grammar so you can check that the Google translations aren’t total rubbish. Fear not, Chinese grammar is very basic compared to English!
- Get some Hanzi flashcards and learn the top 100 Chinese characters. You can read quite a few food menus and street signs just by learning these 100 most frequently used characters.
- Install QQ International and find some chat buddies.
- Learn Chinese chatting conventions, like typing 88 when you’re ending a conversation (it means bye-bye, as the Chinese word for 8 is ba).
- Try converting English into Chinese and back into English using Google’s online translator. In general, if the sentence you end up with says the same as your original sentence then your Chinese girl will be able to understand you.
- Tell your Chinese girl that your Chinese translations are sometimes bad. I got in big trouble once because I implied the Chinese lady I was talking to was a prostitute! Bear in mind that it’s possible that the suggestion feature of the translator has been sabotaged.
- If you’re in a relationship with a Chinese girl, consider buying her some English textbooks so she can learn a little English. Or maybe pay for an English tutor or English classes.
- Buy a Chinese translator for your mobile phone, or get one of those standalone translator computers. Actually, many Chinese ladies do own one of these, and you’ll come to rely on them if you visit a Chinese lady!
- Keep your English very simple. Chinese has far fewer words than English. There is only one commonly used word for big. There’s no other word for large, huge, massive, gigantic, enormous, vast etc.
- Consider finding a human translator you can trust in order to help you translate important emails (e.g. travel plans). Maybe you could use someone in your local Chinatown? Or maybe ask one of the women you’ve chatted to but who you don’t think is wife material. This is crucial though; make sure the woman has no feelings for you, or she will worth ruthlessly hard at winning you back!
The good news is that I know of many men who have gone onto have very successful marriages with Chinese ladies who haven’t known a word of English when they met. It’s not an easy thing to do, but it’s a hell of an adventure.
By the way, it’s also possible to learn the Thai language. However, you might find this more difficult as there aren’t such good resources as there are for learning Chinese.
Dating sites and introduction agencies are not the only ways of meeting Asian women. The third main option is to join a singles romance tour.
This is essentially a packaged vacation to Asia, where you’ll attend a couple of social events and meet dozens of single Asian women. Translators will be on hand should you want to talk to that hot woman who doesn’t speak much English. You’ll often also be picked up from the airport and escorted to your hotel. So you can visit Asia without having to know anything at all about the country you’re visiting.
Romance tours are run by a number of companies. The most well known tour operator is LoveMe. This is a USA based company and they operate under a number of brands including A Foreign Affair and AFA.
LoveMe are a legitimate US based company, and they’ve been around for many years. Their customer support is good, and they have loads of useful material on their website to help you in your search for a foreign bride. If you’re interested in the romance tours then they regularly post photos from their tours. Check out the Philippines tour photos and you’ll see there are around 10 beautiful Filipinas for every Western man! It’s also apparent that you can set your standards of Filipina girl you meet on this trip high – very high indeed!
There are also plenty of testimonials from satisfied men. Actually, most men have an enjoyable time on romance tours. The socials can be a blast, and you’ll meet lifelong friends (both male and female) on the trip.
On the downside, there’s no guarantee that you’ll find love on the tour. But if you go with the intention of having fun, then you’ll find it one of the best weeks or fortnights of your life!
LoveMe operate tours to China and the Philippines. If you want to find a professional lady then China is a good choice. The Philippines is good if you want to find a house wife, and more importantly, there’s a better chance of you finding a much younger wife!
For the Philippines, there is a choice of attending a tour in either Cebu City or Davao City.
Obviously if you’re a busy guy and can’t always get away from your work or family commitments at certain times of the year then you’ll have to pick whichever tour you can take time off to attend.
Personally I was more interested in attending the Cebu tour. Why?
Well Cebu is an old colonial city and it’s arguably the most Westerner friendly of all the Philippines cities. It has a great coastal location, and the island of Cebu is a tropical paradise in itself. If there was less crime, corruption and crazy weather in the Philippines then maybe Cebu could become a vacation destination to rival Phuket in Thailand.
Other advantages of Cebu include the fact that there are some good connecting flights from Hong Kong’s international airport. And Cebu’s airport itself isn’t too far from the downtown city. If you’re flying to the Philippines then Hong Kong is a fantastic airport to use for the connecting flight. There are plenty of restaurants, seating areas and rest rooms. There’s even free Wi-Fi. And the view from the airport terminal building to the mountainous islands off the mainland is nothing short of spectacular.
Davao has its good points as well though. Looking at the thousands of Filipina ladies listed on the LoveMe website, I have to say that the Davao girls have a slight edge over their Cebu sisters when it comes to looks. Mind you, this is only marginal, and the quality of ladies in both locations is nothing short of spectacular.
So while it’s really easy to meet Asian ladies through dating site, I’d recommend you take a look at the LoveMe romance tours as one of the best ways of meeting your future Chinese or Filipina wife.
- Want more information about romance tours? Check out the LoveMe website – they run regular romance tours of China, Thailand and the Philippines.
Here’s some basic information about travelling to Asia. While all of this may sound like basic advice, a surprising amount of men seeking Asian brides haven’t travelled overseas before, much less travelled to Asia. Don’t worry if you haven’t travelled to Asia before – you’ll fall in love with it as soon as you leave the airport terminal building!
To travel to Asia you will almost certainly require a passport. Passports can be time consuming to apply for, so make sure you get yours well before you plan to travel to Asia.
Even if you do already possess a passport, make sure it’s valid for at least 6 months – many countries in Asia insist that your passport has an expiry date well into the future.
For busy travellers, also make sure you passport has some blank pages on it – some countries (like China) have specific regulations about this.
Some countries require that you apply for a visa before you travel to them. It’s therefore essential that you check the country’s entry requirements BEFORE you travel. Visa requirements change constantly, and they depend on your nationality, so I’ll not list them here. When you’re researching visa requirements, check the country’s official website.
As far as Asian travel goes, China is the main country requiring a visa. This usually needs to be applied for in your own country. Visas can take a few days to arrange, so make sure you apply for one well before your intended travel date. There are various types of China visa, but most men go for the single or double entry visa. You can usually find travel agencies in your local country that will handle your visa application for you (for a fee of course).
China visas are normally issued as a matter of course. However, you may have more trouble if you have a criminal record, you’re a government employee or you’re a journalist of photographer. China visas are also more difficult to obtain if you want to visit a part of China that has political issues.
Many parts of Asia are very safe to visit. Japan and Hong Kong felt incredibly safe to visit. China also felt fairly safe, particularly in areas where other Westerners were occasionally seen.
When travelling in Asia it’s best to take sensible precautions, such as being more careful after dark, and avoiding making trouble with the locals. Dress conservatively and try to blend in with the locals.
In China in particular, stay away from the police and army personnel, and avoid taking photos of bridges, in railway stations and other places that could be considered strategic assets.
Other Asian countries aren’t quite so safe to visit. Crimes against Westerners are very common in Thailand. However, many of these are committed against the younger men and women who travel to Thailand on fun seeking vacations.
The Philippines isn’t generally as safe as other South East Asian countries. If you’re contemplating finding a Filipina wife it may be worthwhile travelling as part of an escorted romance tour.
Needless to say, stay away from drugs, as penalties for drugs related offences are severe.
Most Western governments supply travel advice to their citizens, so read these before you book a trip to Asia. Most of the travel advice is commonsense.
Specific travel advisory warnings are usually reserved for rural Thailand and the island of Mindano in the Philippines. Terrorism and kidnapping of Westerners does happen in these parts of Asia, so take the threats seriously.
It’s usually better to meet a Thai lady in Bangkok, Pattaya or one of the other major resorts. If you feel you can trust her then, you might consider visiting her home village, but take precautions.
Filipina dating sites have a lot of women from Davao City and other locations on Mindano. Whether you want to travel there is entirely up to you.
The Philippines is also well known for natural disasters, and it’s generally not a good idea to go there during Typhoon season.
China is generally safe, but Western governments generally advise against travelling alone in rural areas.
Speaking from personal experience, the biggest problems you’re likely to face in Asia are alcohol and traffic. Even if you don’t drink alcohol yourself, be wary of your fellow countrymen who do drink alcohol (or take drugs). When I lived in Thailand I had a couple of narrow escapes – and both guys were from my home country, they weren’t Thais.
If you’re travelling to a developing country then make sure your routine inoculations are up to date. It’s also worth visiting your doctor to ask what other precautions you can take. If you’re going for a longer stay then it’s possible to get inoculations against diseases such as rabies.
Japan, South Korea and the modern Chinese cities such as Guangzhou, Shanghai and Beijing are generally clean. It’s unlikely you’ll have any major health issues here. If you’re travelling to a smaller Chinese city then food poisoning is a possibility. Be careful what you eat, and take plenty of Immodium just in case.
Sadly even the locals often get food poisoning in the Philippines, so it’s just something you might have to put up with.
Speaking from personal experience, I’ve had much worse problems with food poisoning in Spain and Greece than I have in Asia. In 18 months of living in China’s Zhejiang Province, the only time I got the shits was from the Virgin Atlantic airline food that was prepared in London. In fact I’ve had far worse food poisoning from buying food in London than I have in China.
Be aware that jet lag is a big problem if you’re travelling to Asia from the USA or Europe. The best remedy is to try to adjust to the local time as soon as you get there. But it generally takes one day for every hour’s time difference for the body to completely adjust.
One big problem with jet lag is that it can make your brain fuzzy. It’s often a good idea to schedule a couple of days at the start of your trip where you aren’t going to meet any ladies. Give your body time to adjust to its new surroundings and you’ll be better placed to make important judgements such as whether a lady is a suitable wife for you. Some ladies do of course want to meet you as soon as you’ve got off the plane. Bear in mind that not many Asian ladies have travelled far overseas, so they often don’t have any idea of what jet lag feels like.
Don’t lose your life savings to an Asian dating site scammer! Here’s all you need to know about Asian dating scams.
All of the dating sites mentioned in this guide are legitimate. So you can feel confident using your credit card to pay for their services.
Scam dating sites are common in the Russian mail order brides industry. Thankfully they’re rare in Asian dating. Nonetheless, be wary of using dating sites not mentioned in this guide. Be particularly wary of smaller dating sites.
Be wary of sites that charge you every time you send or receive a letter from a lady. This can work out as a very expensive way of finding a partner. Sites that have this charging model include Chnlove and LoveMe. To save money on these sites, block any ladies you don’t like, so you don’t have to pay for reminder emails from her marriage agency. And as soon as you can, get the personal email address or QQ number of a lady you like so you can communicate without having to spend a fortune.
By the way, although these sites are expensive, it’s theoretically less possible that you’ll meet an out and out scammer on them. If the translator you’re using is honest, then they’ll intercept any requests for money that a girl might make to you.
Dating sites that offer a flat rate fee are usually much better value. You can chat to as many ladies as you want, so it’s much easier to find that dream lady. Most of the Asian dating sites offer a flat rate subscription model. Cherry Blossoms and the popular Cupid Media sites (Chinese Love Links, China Love Match, Filipino Cupid, Thai Love Links, Asian Dating, Japan Cupid etc.) all have this charging model.
Remember that if you sign up for an annual rather than a monthly subscription, then the cost savings can be significant!
Scam ladies can be found on ALL dating sites, and it’s up to you to identify the good ladies.
Here are ten ways I’ve avoided dating site scammers on Asian dating sites.
- My golden rule is to never send money to anyone I meet on an online dating site. Most scammers are after money. So I keep my wallet closed. I no longer send a girl gifts either, although if I visit them in person I bring some chocolates from my home country.
- I don’t talk to girls who are younger than 27. 28 is a good age. Chat to the 21 year old girls and you’re asking for trouble. Just delete their emails and chat requests straight away.
- I stay well away from any girls who haven’t uploaded photos to their profiles. They might be shy. But they could also be African dating site scammers who haven’t managed to find a photo of an Asian girl to post on their profile.
- Girls sending me an email on a dating site and including an email address are a bit of a red flag for me. Scammers are scared of being detected on the site you meet them on. For this reason they like you to email them directly. So I’m wary of girls telling me their email address straight away.
- WeChat is instant messaging chat software that’s immensely popular in China. You can also install WeChat and use it outside of China. When chatting to girls on China Love Cupid, if I like the girl I request her WeChat ID. This allows me to chat to her. More importantly, I get to know if she’s really Chinese. Few people outside of China know about WeChat, so this is a good way of weeding out non-Chinese nationals pretending to be Chinese girls. Amongst younger Chinese girls you’ll find that almost all of them have a WeChat account. In fact, I no longer chat with any Chinese girl who doesn’t have a QQ account. If you’re dating Chinese ladies over the age of 45 then it’s maybe not so likely they’ll be a WeChat user. But for the younger girls, making sure they have a WeChat account is a great way to check they’re genuine Chinese girls.
- Another common scam is for a lady to tell you she wants to meet you in your country. Let’s get things straight – Asian ladies generally can’t get visas to travel to the USA, Canada, UK or Australia. If they try to arrange a trip then this has all the signs of the classic advanced fee fraud. Don’t be surprised if the trip goes wrong and she suddenly asks you for money! Now having said that one Chinese lady did actually visit me in the UK. But she was actually a teacher and she met me while she was travelling with her students on a study tour of the UK. So Asian ladies can visit Western countries, but it’s pretty rare, especially when not part of an official tour.
- Many Asian dating site scammers aren’t actually Asian. Dating site scammers commonly originate from West Africa, and in particular Nigeria (home to the infamous 419 scam), Ghana and Senegal. I am extremely wary of Asian girls who aren’t actually living in Asia. Sure, there are many Asian women who work overseas. In fact I personally know friends of friends who work in Africa. But I am always wary of them. The biggest red flag of all is anyone claiming to be an aid worker. Never date an aid worker you meet on an online dating site!
- China, Thailand and the Philippines are great countries, but many Asians want to leave for a better life elsewhere. Visa scammers who just want to marry you to get a green card are another problem you might encounter. These ladies are more difficult to spot. Two red flags for me are a lady who says she likes travelling, and a lady who wants to marry a man from a particular country.
- Stay on the dating site! One scammer I have encountered on Chinese Love Links are the types of scammers who want to chat to you on another website. Often these are the pay per contact sites that can end up costing you a fortune. Don’t always assume the girl is even interested in you – she might be acting as a paid affiliate for the other site, and will get some money for signing you up to that site.
- Really the best way to avoid Asian dating site scams is to get to know Asia and Asian culture. If you’re serious about finding an Asian wife or girlfriend then visit Asia and immerse yourself in the language and culture. This will help you get well on the way to avoiding all the Asian dating scams out there.
Aside from scammers, what other problems could arise? Here are a few other problems you need to be on the lookout for.
I’ve heard many stories of men chatting to women on dating sites then finding out weeks or even months later that the woman probably never existed!
These sorts of ladies appear to be are far more common on the pay per letter type of Asian dating site.
The first thing you must ask yourself when you’re chatting to an Asian lady is – does she exist?
Yeah, this is a strange question, but all the letters and photos in the world don’t add up to a single scrap of proof.
The best ways of telling if a lady exists are:
- Post her a gift and get her to send you a photo of her holding the gift. Make sure you post it yourself – don’t make use of the gift services that Asian dating sites offer.
- Insist on seeing her on webcam.
- If you can’t arrange either by the time you’ve sent your tenth letter to a lady then perhaps it’s time to save your money and move on. You will find that you’ll be much more resistant to the stress of relationship breakdowns if you remember that your girl isn’t the only girl in Asia.
She’s Just Not That Into You
Women marry for many different reasons, but men usually only marry for love.
Does your lady love you? If you can find a lady who does, then you’re a lucky man!
I’ve been in relationships with Asian girls where I’ve clearly been the one doing all the work. If you think you’re in a similar relationship then ask yourself if she’s really serious about you. Here’s a few ways of telling if an Asian girl is really interested in you:
- She doesn’t sign into the dating site very often.
- She initiates a lot of the chat sessions with you.
- She tells you she loves you.
- She tells you she misses you.
- She wants to chat to you even if she’s had a long day, or it’s late at night (due to the time difference).
- She can’t wait for you to visit.
- She sends you dozens of photos of her.
If you’re lucky enough to meet her in person, then look for these signs:
- She feeds you some of her food (Chinese girls especially do this).
- She touches you.
- Things get intimate.
- She holds your hand in public.
- She tells you about her friends and family.
- She takes you to meet her family.
These girls are more common if you’re living in Asia and meeting girls in person, rather than using online dating. They’re especially common in the big Chinese international cities, like Shanghai, Shenzhen and Beijing.
I’ve read so many stories of young Asian women taking Western men to the cleaners. Sure, many Westerners are quite wealthy if they’re living in Asia, especially if they have expat jobs. But these girls can still be a serious drain on their wallets.
It’s not uncommon to read about men having to spent $400 or more a month taking a Chinese girl shopping. Is this girl a girlfriend, a mistress or good wife material?
Usually the guy’s being taken for a ride. The average Chinese office lady makes around $500 a month, so by going to a nightclub and finding a Western man she could easily double her salary.
Sure, all women like shopping. But the best Asian women (i.e. those who are wife material) are usually frugal and want to earn their own money. Spot the frugal women when you’re in Asia by washing your clothes in the hotel sink and seeing how impressed she is by your saving a couple of dollars by not using the hotel laundry service. And if she comes into your hotel room see how many of the toothbrushes, combs and other freebie toiletries she takes home with her! Needless to say, a frugal Asian woman will never touch the mini-bar.
A lot of women on singles sites fall into the left on the shelf category. It’s sad but the reality is that Asian women often have a very short window of opportunity to get married in their own countries. The Japanese refer to Christmas Cake Women as those who have failed to marry by their 25th birthday.
Actually Japan is probably a bad example – there are plenty of Japanese women these days that will happily start a family at the age of 35 or above. But this isn’t the case in the rest of Asia. For all China’s progress for example, child mortality rates are four times those in Western countries. So you can see that in China, Thailand and the Philippines there will be pressure to pop out those babies as soon as possible, and ideally under the age of 30.
This results in a fair number of women signing up to Asian dating sites in search of a man – any man – who will allow them to raise a family. The big problem with these girls is that they sometimes see men as little more than sperm donors. In a few cases they might even be lesbians but who are marrying just for appearances.
I’m not too sure how to spot the baby hunter, but I guess a tell-tale sign is that she talks about babies an awful lot. If you’re dating an Asian woman, then I recommend you don’t talk too much about babies, and see how many times she brings up the subject.
These women can make good wives, especially in the first year or two of marriage. But the big danger is that once the babies appear then she will devote all her love to them, and as for sex, well that’s often going to be off the menu. This is why a lot of men detest their Western wives, so you don’t want to get stuck with the Asian equivalent.
As men we like women who appreciate us, and being married to a baby hunter is not going to be fun in the long term. Beware of these women, especially if raising a family isn’t your No. 1 priority in life.
Met somebody you like on one of the Asian dating websites? Your ultimate aim on a dating site is of course to meet a future partner, so it’s natural that you should want to meet them in real life. Here’s what you need to know about planning to meet a Chinese, Thai or Filipina lady for the very first time.
There are many beautiful ladies on Asian dating sites, so it’s understandable that you’d want to hop on a plane and visit the first lady you feel a connection with.
However, it’s better to wait a few weeks or months before you do. If you can get to know her online first, then you’ll find the eventual meeting goes a lot more smoothly.
The reverse is also true – don’t wait too long! Asian ladies put up with a lot of nonsense from men on dating sites. They get cheated on by two timers. They get hit on by married men. They have to put up with men who have no idea of Asian culture, and start saying all kinds of inappropriate things. It’s common for men to chat to the ladies but never actually visit them. You can make all the plans in the world, but unless you visit your Asian lady, she’s under no obligation to commit to you. So you should really think about visiting a lady at least 6 months after your first contact with her. Any more and she will start to think that you’re just not going to commit to a future with her.
A lot of men have travelled to Asia only to find that their lady doesn’t exist, or doesn’t turn up to the first meeting, or any number of reasons.
While it’s understandable to get mad about this, the fact is that Asian ladies are human, and many of them have human traits such as changing their mind, being forgetful, or just deciding at the last minute that they don’t want a Western husband. At the end of the day they are also women, and they’re really not much different to women in any other country. It happens, and the only way to get round it is to have a Plan B. Ideas for a Plan B include:
- Go to visit two or more ladies in one trip. This is often a logistical nightmare, so remember to choose ladies who live in the same city! Remember that it’s best not to tell a lady you’re visiting another lady. The world should always revolve around her. It can be tough letting down a lady, but a good way to mitigate her disappointment is to not build her hopes up too much in the first place. So keep the talk of engagements and marriages until you’ve decided which lady you like best.
- If your lady is represented by a marriage agency, then see if they have other ladies you can meet. Touching base with a marriage agency will also help you out a lot in the future, as they will usually let you know of new ladies who register with them.
- Why not try to make friends in your adoptive Asian country, then go to visit them? Find contacts in the expat community, or find pen pals and other friends on one of the Asian personals sites. Personal contacts are still the best way to meet an Asian partner, and its how a lot of Asian people meet their future spouses.
- Just go and have a damn good vacation in a foreign country! Even if you didn’t meet a lady, or meet a lady you liked, then just think of it as a research trip for future visits. Asian ladies are impressed if you know a lot about their own country, and if you can name drop places, food or customs in a future correspondence with a lady then so much the better. Don’t forget to get your photo taken while in Asia – it will allow you to put some great photos on your dating site profile!
Should you propose to your Asian lady on your first trip to visit her? Men are a bit divided on this issue.
Reasons for proposing include:
- It shows you are committed, and there’s a good chance that you really will marry your chosen lady, instead of disappearing never to be heard of again like so many men that look for Asian brides. Your lady will want you to propose!
- Asian women generally fall in love pretty quickly, and if she likes you then she’ll let you know!
- Once a lady knows you are committed, she will (hopefully!) stop looking for other men to chat to.
- Travelling to Asia is expensive, so you don’t want to have to go out a second time just to propose to her, find an engagement ring etc.
Reasons against proposing on the first meeting are:
- It’s difficult to think straight when you’re not on home territory. You’re jetlagged, the food is different, the climate is different etc. etc.
- Visiting a lady can be a bit of a whirlwind, especially if you haven’t travelled to Asia or her country before. Going home to think things over could be a good idea.
So at the end of the day you’ll need to trust your gut instinct on this. If you can spend more than a couple of weeks with your lady then it’s easier to know if she is the one.
As somebody who has been in relationships with a number of Asian women, I can say that one of the hardest things is to maintain a long distance relationship. So here are some tips I have for maintaining that long distance relationship…
Keep in Daily Contact
When you love somebody you always want to know that they’re OK. Even if you’re busy, it’s good to send your loved one a quick message. Drop a 2 line email, send a quick text message. Just don’t let them wonder what’s happened to you. A girl I once dated used to regularly disappear for a whole week. I used to feel sadder and sadder each day, and I craved just a one line SMS message from her.
By the way, I’ve now learned that if a lady doesn’t keep in daily contact with you, then she probably isn’t in love with you and your relationship might not be as healthy as you think. Of course not all Asian ladies have daily access to a mobile phone or the internet, but take lack of contact as a clue to her feelings about you.
Make That Visit!
Long distance relationships can only be maintained for so long. If you haven’t yet met your loved one, then the ultimate aim should be to go and visit them. Many men and women using internet dating know that internet love isn’t real. If you’re a man then you should really aim to meet a Filipina you’ve been chatting to within 6 months of first talking to her. If you’re an Asian lady yourself then you need to look for commitment from the man. If he spends months and months talking and doesn’t make that visit, then you need to question his commitment.
If you’ve already visited your lady, then make sure you have a mutual goal you can both work towards. Whether it’s visiting her again, or applying for a fiancé or marriage visa, time passes more quickly if there’s a definitive goal to look forward to.
Send Small Gifts
A great way of keeping the relationship alive is to surprise your loved one with some gifts. A word of advice here – don’t get into the business of sending money to Asian ladies, however much you love her! Also don’t send valuable items in the post to the Philippines. I once lost an expensive pair of gold earrings to the Chinese postal system. For months I’d been successfully sending small gifts to my loved one, but when I came to sending a more valuable gift, it ended up getting stolen or something.
A few dating sites allow you to send gifts and flowers directly to your loved one. However, I recommend you do you own gift sending. For one thing it’s much cheaper. For another, you can make the gift truly personal by including love letters and photos.
Good gifts to send are chocolates and other edibles, as well as stuffed animals. If you’re sending food it’s best to stick to things that won’t arouse suspicion in customs offices – avoid meat, fruit or dairy products. Chocolates or biscuits are usually fine. Swiss chocolates are a good choice, as well as chocolates that can be shared with friends and family. I’ve heard that Toblerone bars are especially sought after in the Philippines!
Stay in Your Cave
Experience has told me that many people are suspicious of long distance relationships, and even more suspicious of Asian girlfriends. Really I’ve found it much better to keep things to myself as far as relationships are concerned. If you have problems then try to work them out between you and your lady. Relationship advice books and websites can help, but again be wary of asking for relationship advice online, as sharing details of your relationships with others is not always a good thing to do.
As far as my relationships go I’ve now withdrawn from life. I tell my family and friends very little about the Asian girls I’ve been chatting to, and I no longer share photos on Facebook or anywhere else.
Share Your Life
Always tell your partner what you’re doing in your life, even if it’s mundane and boring. A good tip here is to take a camera everywhere you go. Even if it’s just to the local mall, then take a couple of photos to show your loved one how you’ve passed your day. This also helps with paranoia – it’s great to demonstrate that you’re on your own, and aren’t dating somebody in your own city while talking to somebody else online.
If you’re dating a Filipina girl, then ask her if she’s on Facebook. Facebook is staggeringly popular in the Philippines, and this can be a good way to share your life.
So don’t worry about what other people think. Long distance relationships can work, but you need to put in a bit more thought than you would with a relationship with somebody who lives in the same city as you do.
Asian dating is like learning to ride a bicycle. There’s a steep learning curve, and you can expect things to go horribly wrong on occasion.
I guess my number one piece of advice is to just enjoy your Asian dating experience! Sign up to some dating sites I’ve listed here. Chat to some girls. Shortlist some girls you think are good marriage material, and make plans to visit them in Asia. Don’t rush into marriage, and don’t let them dictate the terms of the relationship.
What can I help you with?
Leave your questions in the comments section below and I’ll do my best to answer them!